In Which We Won
by Emma.Fairchild.Herondale
Summary: Old Voldy's gone moldy. But, what if he went moldy long before he ever became Voldy? There was never a Voldemort, no purity war. All those deaths that made you cry? Well, they never happened. I believe everyone that deserves a happy ending, should get it. And I, I am going to give it to them. If you believe it too, read on. Starts Marauders era 5th yr. Hopefully thru HP era. :-)
1. Chapter 1

**This is an updated version of Chapter 1. The major plot points are the same, just better written.**

**A/N: Okay, so, I'm Emma, I'm 13, and this is one of my first (published) fics, so no flames, please. And, I never liked Peter, so he just doesn't exist. I invented a new Marauder, Marcus Chambers. His Animagus will be a mountain lion, so if anyone has an idea for a nickname for him, let me know! Also, Sirius, to me, seems much too loyal to be a player, so he's not. That's how****_ I_**** am going to write ****_MY_**** story, so just deal. I hope you enjoy my story, and I love reviews, and constructive criticism is great!**

**I own nothing! (Except Marcus.)**

**Word count before A/N is 3,150.**

Chapter 1: The Pain of Loss

"Oh, I'm so glad Exams are finally done. They were right, the O.W.L.s are miserable!" Lily Evans was talking to Marlene McKinnon – one of her best friends – as they made their way down to the Black Lake. Lily was listening for the response that Marlene had just opened her mouth to give, but instead she heard something very different.

"Need your _'friends' _to protect you Snivellus? Well, they're not here now, are they?" James Potter's voice carried across the lawn, taunting her best friend, Severus Snape.

Potter – in her opinion – was an insufferable toe-rag, an arrogant idiot. He was just a bully, and in **_no way _**deserved to be a Gryffindor. He was terrible, and awful, and oh, did she mention he was completely obsessed with her? He'd asked her out **_at least _**twice a week since third year. He was a complete and utter git. He seemed to take pleasure in harassing her best friend, just because he was a Slytherin! It was ridiculous!

At this moment, though, that's exactly what he was doing. He was torturing Sev. Not physically, as in causing pain, but simply by embarrassing him, which Lily thought was almost worse. They were only shouting at each other now, but she saw Sirius Black and Marcus Chambers standing behind Potter. It was a shame, really, that Remus Lupin was busy. The four of them were joint at the hip, but Lily could tolerate the fourth Marauder. When he was around, Potter and Black weren't complete arses. Chambers, also, could manage his friends, but he detested Severus just as much as the other two. Sadly, Remus wasn't around, so they – namely Potter – _were_ being complete arses. At this moment, Potter decided he would take it to the next level.

Right when Lily and Marlene reached them, Potter raised his wand, and muttered a spell Lily had never heard of. "Levicorpus!" Potter said. Suddenly, her best friend was hanging by his ankles from the tree branch he'd been standing under mere moments ago.

Lily couldn't help herself, she was so angry! She was so completely consumed by rage. Looking back on it now, she should've known no good would come of it. She knew she would hurt Potter, but she didn't really care if that happened. The problem really was Sev. His Slytherin friends were, after all, standing in the courtyard behind her… But she did it anyway.

"Potter! James Potter you let him down right now! What did he ever do to you?! No one – no matter WHAT they've done – no one deserves to be treated like this! You are an insufferably arrogant, toe-rag James Potter! You – you're nothing but an immature bully! You should leave him alone, and stop acting like a silly child!"

She had **_thought _**all of those things before, but she had never said them like that, so final, so harsh. He knew what she thought of him, but she'd never told him, at least all at the same time, and she was immediately sorry. The look on his face – she had hurt him before, she knew that. But, from his reaction, those were just pinpricks, and she'd just stabbed him in the chest, and twisted the knife. He let Sev down, though his eyes never left hers, searching, searching for anything to tell him she didn't really mean it… But there was nothing. His pretty coffee colored eyes met cold, unyielding emeralds. She almost wanted to apologize, which had never happened. Ever. Not when she was dealing with James freaking Potter, at least.

That was something she definitely should've been worried about. Potter and his ability to look like an adorable, innocent, kicked puppy that should only be loved and taken care of. Stupid perfect, brown-eyed, messy-haired, beautiful Potter. Before she was able to reprimand her thoughts, another problem interrupted them.

"Thank you, Lily," Severus hissed. He was being sarcastic, though. The look on his face was murderous. His rage directed at her. "I was completely fine! I don't need help! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! I especially don't need help from a filthy little _mudblood__**!**_" His tone got more and more bitter with every word, but also louder and louder, the last coming out almost a snarl, the sounds garbled by rage, but still clear enough to grind Lily's heart into the ground. The word may not be the subject of a pending war, but it was still a terrible insult… She knew he'd been spending more time with some not-so-nice housemates of his. Knew he would start thinking like they did, knew it would come to this eventually, but did it have to be so _public?_ Did it have to be so final? Did it have to hurt so much? She knew it would happen. She thought she was prepared. Obviously, though, she wasn't.

She didn't have a conscious recollection of falling on her knees, but there she was, tears brimming in her eyes, Marlene's comforting arm over her shoulder… For an entire second, the grounds were completely silent. No one moved, or spoke. Until the rage of a different, but equally angry, 16 year old boy washed over the unmoving audience.

"TAKE IT BACK! YOU ARE THE FILTHY ONE, NOT HER! YOU ARE A COWARD AND A LIAR SEVERUS SNAPE! YOU DO NOT IN ANY WAY DESERVE A FRIEND HALF AS KIND AS SHE IS! YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT NOW!

It took Lily a moment to understand what just happened. Even though she had pretty much unleashed every insult on him that she possibly could, James Potter had just defended her against her best friend, who had called her the worst name you could possibly call someone like her. She heard a 'Sorry,' from behind her that was so fake it was obviously said just to hurt her more. Well, it worked. She didn't look at him, she wouldn't let him see the tears that had brimmed over, and were now running down her face.

She could hear Marlene talking to her, trying to calm her down, but she didn't know what she was saying. Her were, instead, locked with Potter's. she felt as if he were trying to tell her something, she just didn't know what. She did know, though, that she was trying to tell him something. She was trying to tell him she was sorry about what she'd said earlier, but she didn't know if he understood her. He looked away, and she focused back on Marlene.

"– be okay, I promise. You are so much better than him, you deserve so much better. Come on, now, lets get you back upstairs, okay? Then we can get you all cleaned up. Lily? Hey, lets get you up? Okay?"

She responded automatically, like a robot. "Yeah," she started to stand, but faltered, only staying up thanks to Marlene. Lily may not have been very big, but Mar wasn't that much bigger than she was. She really wasn't up to walking all the way up to the common room by herself. She would probably fall and then she and Mar would fall down a flight of stairs… that wouldn't be good. She would try though.

It turns out, that she didn't need to worry about it. Marlene's arm suddenly moved from her waist to her shoulder, not supporting her for only a moment. She faltered again, but this time it was a strong, muscular arm that caught her. She really didn't care, at this point, if Potter helped her up to the common room. She just wanted to lie down. She was so tired… So emotionally exhausted from today, mentally and physically from her exams… maybe she could just close her eyes a minute…

She stumbled again, tripping on the uneven steps. She knew Potter had picked her up, like a little kid, but it felt nice to be a little kid again. Unknowingly, once she fell asleep, she turned, curling perfectly into the arms of the boy she despised, her head lying on his chest…

But, that meant nothing. In no way did it mean a single thing.

Chapter 1: The Fire of Rage

"Aren't you glad exams are done? We can finally start summer! It will be my first real summer, ya know?" James Potter was sitting, cross-legged, listening bemusedly as his best friend Sirius Black chattered aimlessly. He wished Remus were here, because then they could actually start planning his summer visit to James's house. But, he wasn't here. James supposed he would just have to wait until dinner to see his friend. Remus was re-taking his Ancient Runes exam, he had probably passed the first time, but hey. It was Remus, after all.

"Yeah," he answered, but he was suddenly not paying any attention at all. He saw Lily Evans walking down toward the lake with her friend, Marlene. He had a feeling Sirius fancied Marlene, but he'd ask him later. Right now he was distracted by the way Lily's long, dark red curls swished back and forth across her waist when she walked, and fell over her shoulder when she turned her head toward Marlene… Lily, Lily, Lily. Lily Evans. She was all he'd been able to think about for the past two and a half years. She was the only girl he'd ever liked, and he asked her out in third year, but she'd turned him down. So, he'd kept on asking. He was nothing if not persistent. She didn't like him though. She had made that very clear over the last three years. He thought he might be making progress, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

James was broken out of his thoughts by a green clad git walking up to his tree. It was Severus Snape. He was Lily's best friend, and probably the reason she'd never liked him. James had a habit of taunting Snivellus, but it wasn't unprovoked, as Lily seemed to think. Snivellus was just such a complete git, and his sweet Lily-flower was just too naive to notice it. The way he looked at her, it set his teeth on edge. He looked at her like she was an item – a good grade or a new toy. Something to obtain, to possess. Argh. He was in a permanent state of wanting to strangle him. With magic, of course. No one in their right mind would ever want to touch that grease-bag. Gross.

But, he was headed this way, so James would have to speak to him, which he didn't enjoy. In fact, it was his least favorite pass-time, followed closely by being yelled at by Lily. That would be first, but at least she was talking to him. Even angry, her voice was like a wind-chime. A very loud wind-chime, but it was beautiful, all the same. Even when she screamed at him, he liked it better than the days when she just ignored him…

"Potter!" Ugh, James thought. Now is time for torture.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" He sounded tired, even to his own ears. He was, but that was beside the point.

"I want to know why you only mess with me when you're not alone." Ah… so he wanted to fight… yay! A few months ago, he really would've been excited, but he was starting to realize that messing with Snape really didn't get him anywhere, except in Lily's bad books.

"Because I have mess with you when you mess with me, and I have _friends_. When you have good ones, they tend to be around a lot." That was mean. He really didn't care, though. Snape was a git.

"So fight me now. Without them, they can't help you." Ooh! He just signed his own death warrant, almost, at least.

"Alright, but I hope you don't need your _'friends' _to protect you, Snivellus? Well, they're not here now, are they?" He decided it was time to use one of those spells Snivellus made up. He'd seen Sivelly use it, but he wasn't quite sure it would work properly. And, he was conscious of Lily, she'd heard the commotion, and knew she would be angry if he cursed him. But Snivellus had given him the perfect opportunity! And he didn't even have his wand out! So, he took his chance, "Levicorpus!"

The only thing that stopped him from laughing out loud was Lily's murderous glare burning into him. He was prepared for her to be angry. He knew she would be, she always was. The git deserved it, though. He was prepared for anger, but not what he got. Perhaps she was having an off day, or she completely despised him, he didn't know. But he wasn't ready.

"Potter! James Potter you let him down right now! What did he ever do to you?!" Yup. There was the anger. She was probably done now.

"No one – no matter WHAT they've done – no one deserves to be treated like this!" Ooh. Ouch. That one hurt.

"You are an insufferably arrogant, toe-rag James Potter!" Wow. Now he could feel the knife in his chest.

"You – you're nothing but an immature bully!" And now she was twisting it. She was really going at it this time.

"You should leave him alone, stop acting like a six year old!" And she finally removed the knife, along with a good portion of his heart and dignity.

He supposed he should have know that wouldn't be the end, but he didn't. He looked at her, looking for any sign that she didn't mean it, or that she hadn't meant to be so harsh. To his disappointment, his eyes met a pair of cold, unrelenting emeralds, sparkling defiantly. It was at that moment, that James decided to grow up. He was done with her calling him an immature child. He would show her that he could still be 'Potter' – popular, pranking, Quidditch playing, Marauder supreme – but, he could also be 'James' – mature, studious, caring, and perfect for Lily. He wasn't changing himself for her, no, he was simply showing her a side of himself that he didn't show often, and she refused to believe existed. He would get his girl. If it didn't work out in the end, James would probably move on. But, he just _knew _that if she gave him a chance, it would work out.

On a normal day, that would've been the end. Lily would grab Snape's arm, turn on her heel – making sure to flip her hair over her shoulder dramatically – and saunter off. She moved to follow the usual routine, but Snape decided to make a scene. In a normal school, what just happened _would _be a scene, but Lily, James, and Severus had been at it since first year, and shows like this happened at least twice a week. If they went a week with no shouting match, then people would talk.

"Thank you, Lily," Snape snarled. He was being sarcastic, James could hear it. There was an cruel edge to his voice, James had heard it before. But never when he was talking to Lily. The look on his face was murderous rage – directed at her, which surprised him. Usually, with Snape – and him, but that wasn't the point – Lily could do no wrong. "I was completely fine! I don't need help! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! I especially don't need help from a filthy little _mudblood!"_ His tone got more and more bitter with every word, but also louder and louder, the last coming out almost a snarl. All James could see was red. Everything was in clear focus, though. He saw Lily crumple, and all he wanted to do was kill that foul, evil, little cockroach; but he hesitated. James started counting, in his head, to calm himself down. It didn't work. There was two full second of complete and utter silence, before James lost it.

He didn't even remember, when he finished yelling, what he'd said. All he knew is that no matter what she said to him, Lily was a good person, and she deserved so much better than an insufferable arse who would call her a mudblood. So, he just yelled. He hadn't planned out what he would say, but he figured it would come out as words. To his relief, it did.

He'd heard the git spit out the word, and the harshness of it almost hurt him, so he couldn't imagine how Lily felt. He had to physically restrain himself from hexing Snivellus into next month. Sirius wasn't helping, with his want out, looking for a fight. Once James got over the bulk of his temper tantrum, he looked up, to find Lily's eyes boring into him. She was hurt, he saw. Well, he already knew that. What he wasn't expecting, though, was the remorse. She was sorry. For what? Oh. _Oh._ She was sorry for hurting him. She had seen his face, then. Maybe he hadn't turned away as fast as he thought he did…

He looked back at her, and he was trying to make sure she was okay, that she knew he was okay, but he wasn't sure he was understood. Lily didn't look quite up to walking upstairs, so he told Sirius he'd see him at dinner, and casually wandered toward where the girls were crouched on the ground.

Marlene was talking to Lily, trying to get her up, away from everyone. James finally got within hearing range, and tried not to look like he was eavesdropping. Which, of course, he was.

"– stairs, okay? Then we can get you all cleaned up. Lily? Hey, lets get you up? Okay?" Marlene was trying. Really, she was. But James didn't think she could manage Lily all by herself. Sure, Lily was small, only about 5'2, but Mar wasn't all that much bigger. So, he would just trail along behind. He wouldn't even listen. Only make sure neither of them fell down the stairs. Yeah. That's what he'd do.

Well, the first time Lily stumbled James did exactly what he told himself he wouldn't. He stepped up beside them and put his arm around Lily's waist. Mar moved her arm to Lily's shoulder, putting most of her weight on James – not that he minded. They made it halfway across the grounds before Lily stumbled again, and James knew that people would talk tomorrow, and Lily would be furious with him, but she looked so tired.

So, he caught her up in his arms, cradling her gently. When she was awake, she tried – not very hard – to put distance between them, but as soon as she fell asleep, she relaxed. She fit perfectly in his arms, and James couldn't help but think about just how _right _it felt. Maybe, one day, she'd feel it too. But, even if she didn't…

He would still love her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Just Potter

**This is an updated version of Chapter 2. All major plot points are the same, just better written.**

**Hey guys! I'm back! So, I was so excited by how many of you have read my story, and to those few of you who followed and/or favorited my story, I want you to know that getting those emails made my day. Please review, if you have any comments at all, I'd love to hear them. **

**If you recognize it, I don't own it.**

**Word count before A/N is 2,600.**

When Lily woke up on the last day of May, she didn't remember how she'd gotten to her dormitory. She had a memory of stumbling across the grounds, and being caught by strong arms. Who was it? Was it a professor? There was something, she knew. Something she was unconsciously repressing. But, Lily didn't really care, as long as she didn't get any more bad news. At least it was the last day of term. She could go home tomorrow. Well, actually, that didn't help her much. Sev lived 2 blocks away from her! Dammit. She used to love how close they were, now she would do just about anything to be farther away.

Well at least she could get away from all the people who had seen the show between her and Sev. And James… Dear Merlin… Potter. She felt terrible about that. She hadn't even had a chance to apologize… not that she cared. It was just Potter, and she couldn't care less. It was just Potter. Well, that's what she was trying to convince herself. Key word: trying. It was, she realized with a start, completely and totally **not **working.

"Oh! Lily! You're awake! We were starting to get worried!" It was Mar, of course. But she had no clue who the 'we' was. There were other girls in their dorm, sure, but Lily wasn't really close with them. Alice? Emmaline, maybe? She doubted it, though. She and Emma had only spoken a few times, she was nice enough, but really shy.

"Who's 'we'? And why were you worried?"

"Umm… just the girls… and we worried because its almost noon, silly. You've been out since five last night. That's almost nineteen hours!" Marlene said it teasingly, but Lily knew there was something else. And 'the girls' was way to vague. Most of them wouldn't have cared anyway. She was positive Mar was lying about who 'we' was, but she wouldn't push it. Not at the moment, anyway. She'd get her to spill eventually. She decided to play casual, pretend that she bought it.

"Oh, wow. That explains why I'm so hungry. I missed dinner and breakfast!" Lily tried to look upbeat, but she knew Marlene could tell her heart wasn't in it. She slipped out of bed, changed quickly, and met her best friend in the Common Room. "Let's go!"

She had almost completely forgotten about _why _she'd been out for almost a whole day, so she wasn't prepared for the odd looks and whispers that followed her into the Great Hall. "Ugh," she groaned "I'd almost forgotten about yesterday. Today will be miserable. I wish we could leave right now, not in the morning… I want to be home," _even though home has its own set of problems_, she thought. Marlene sent her a pitying look, which made her feel worse. Lily hated pity, except when there was a _really _good reason. Well, she had lost her best friend, and the one person who had never judged her probably hated her. Not that she cared what he thought. But, she'd brought it upon herself. Sev had told her to let him fight his own battles when it came to Potter, but she listen? No, of course she didn't, she was Lily Evans for Merlin's sake! Lily Evans did what she thought was right, always. Well, unless it broke a big rule… She was letting her mind wander until she heard something that ripped her mind off her thoughts.

"Yeah, I heard she was with Potter, did you hear what happened after the action yesterday?" Lily had never heard this particular voice before, but they were obviously talking about her. Even though she was standing not two feet away from them! When she looked over, she saw why. It was two Gryffindor third years, she remembered showing them the Divination classroom earlier this year. They were talking like one of the biggest events of her life was a detail in a trivial sports game! Marlene was trying to pull her away, but she wanted to know what the girl would say. So, she sat down at the Gryffindor table directly behind the girls. She still could hear them perfectly, but, unfortunately, this put her directly across from the Marauders, namely Potter. She had the worst luck. All she wanted to do was harmlessly eavesdrop on the conversation of some kids, and she gets stuck with the sharp glare of Sirius Black, the reproving – yet pitying, ugh – look from Remus Lupin, and a very nervous James Potter – who didn't meet her eyes.

Lily decided to just ignore them, and focus on the conversation happening behind her – it was the reason she was here anyway, not Potter. But, as soon as she looked away, she could feel his eyes on her. It made her a bit uncomfortable, but she didn't let on. She didn't want to meet his eyes, usually so full of warmth for her, full of the hurt and hatred she would inevitably see looking back at her. Well, at least he'd leave her alone, right? The thought almost sent into a fresh wave of tears. It might have, if the girl hadn't spoken again from behind her.

"You didn't? Its all anyone's been talking about since it happened. Evans passed out halfway off the grounds. You know who took her back to the tower?" She spoke as if it was the most the most obvious thing ever, but in truth, Lily had been wondering that herself.

"Umm… Professor Prewet? One of the other teachers?"

"No, dimwit. They would've taken her to the hospital wing! It was a student!" She obviously wanted her friend to guess.

"Let's see… McKinnon couldn't have carried her… Are they in her year?" She sound really confused.

"Yup!" The girl – oh! Her name was Allie! – Allie sounded positively giddy. It must be really odd… Lily couldn't think of anyone.

"One of the boys?" Allie's friend was definitely confused.

"Well, duh!" Allie was starting to get impatient now.

"Uh… Black?" Hmm… Lily hadn't thought of him…

"Closer!" Allie was excited again. No. No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't! Could it?

"No! Really?!" Lily wanted one of them to say it. Just say it so her life could be over. This was it, she was done. She could hear Allie giggling. "Seriously, Allie? Potter?!" Her friend wasn't sure either.

"Yup!" Allie was just laughing now. Dear Merlin, Lily thought. I have the _worst _luck.

Lily looked at the sandwich she had been pretending to be very interested in. The boy in question had been watching her the entire time, and she had a sneaking suspicion that he'd could also heard the conversation she'd been listening to. She looked up from her lunch slowly, her green eyes immediately met by brown ones. She didn't know what to do, or say, for that matter. So, she did what Lily Evans is best at – running away from her problems.

Just because she didn't want to know he hated her didn't mean she cared about him, right? It was just Potter, after all.

Because she didn't.

She still hated him, of course.

Chapter 2: Evans, Lily

The second James got down from the girls' dormitory, he was faced by Sirius and Remus. They – wait! Remus? Getting Lily upstairs must've have taken a lot longer than he thought, even with Mar's help…

Sirius wasted no time asking what the hell had just happened. Remus also – though not quite as forcefully – wanted to know what had happened, and could he start at the beginning please, since he'd missed it.

So, he did. He started with sitting by the tree, and Snape, and Lily yelling at him, and how much that had hurt. He told Remus how Snape had yelled at Lily – and what he'd called her – and how mad he'd gotten, where Sirius chimed in with 'Yeah, prongs, that was terrifying, mate,' and how his cousin was going to try to get her up there by herself. He scoffed. Yeah, that was possible – not. At all. In any way. Ever. He told them that he hadn't planned on it, but halfway across the grounds Lily had all but passed out, so he'd decided to carry her. She'd fallen asleep before they hit the stairs, but what James didn't tell them was how _right _it felt. It felt personal. And for James Potter, when something was too big to tell Sirius and Remus, that meant it was **_really _**big.

James didn't know what would be happening next year, but he knew it was would be much, much different than this year. Lily wasn't friends with Snape, and despite what had happened at the lake yesterday, he thought he was beginning to grow on her. I mean, she'd been sorry. That had to count for something, right? It had never happened before, at least. Or maybe its because she's a good person and you were in pain, idiot, something whispered in his head. He knew that could very well be true, but he didn't think so.

James didn't sleep very well that night. His dreams were haunted by a pair of green eyes – filled at first with mirth and joy, they way he liked them best, but then they turned hard and cold, hatred. Next, though, came the part that kept him awake. It was the pain. Seeing something crack inside them, letting out some of the lighthearted sparkle. Those eyes looked at back at him everywhere he turned. He tried everything, even counting sheep. But, the sheep soon morphed into a certain redheaded Gryffindor. He probably didn't fall asleep until almost three a. m, and that was only because he was completely and utterly exhausted.

He woke up at about 10 o'clock. Sirius was sitting on his bed, poking his cheek. Ah. So that's why he woke up… "Ugh! Get off me!" James was not generally a morning person, but he wanted to make sure Lily was okay. "I'm up! I'm up, you stupid dog." When he finally got Sirius off his bed, he was ready in no time. He went down to the Common Room, and saw Marlene sitting on one of the couches. He walked – and had to try really hard not to run – over there quickly.

"Hey, James," she didn't even look up from her book. How did she even know it was him?

"Wait. How'd you know it was me?"

"Peripheral vision, James. Duh." Oh. That made sense. Sometimes, he really was thick.

"Okay… So, I'm guessing you also know why I'm here?"

"Of course I do. She's fine, physically. Well of course she is, she wasn't hurt, unless she scraped her knees, which she didn't. At least I don't think –"

"Mar. You're rambling," he cut off her rant, knowing she'd go on forever if he didn't.

"Oh. Sorry. But, anyway, she's still asleep. But, if she's still asleep at noon, we're taking her to Madame Pomfrey, because that's way to long to just sleep. But then again, with exams and all, I have a feeling she's gotten like 5 hours of sleep in the last three days…" Marlene trailed off, frowning.

"Alright. I'll be back around eleven, gonna go find Remus. You coming Padfoot?" When he nodded, we left the common room. He didn't want to go, he wanted to go up there and see her for himself, but, he could tell Mar was worried, and all his nervous energy wouldn't help anybody. So, he left.

When they came back – without Remus, they hadn't been able to find him, since they hadn't taken the map with them – Mar actually told him to leave, his pacing was giving her a headache. That's when he realized he hadn't eaten anything all day.

James really was an idiot. Really. An hour looking for his friend, and it'd never even crossed his mind to think that he might be eating. Well, by now, he was chatting with some Ravenclaw prefects, but he'd probably been in here the whole time. He and Sirius sat near the head of the 'Gryffindor' table – nobody actually sat at their house table, except at the holiday feasts – and grabbed a slice of toast. After a while, Remus joined them.

"So, James…"

"Yes, Remus?" James was pretending to not know what his friend wanted to know, which he did, and it was if Lily was doing alright.

"Come on James. How is she?"

"I don't know. She was still asleep when we left, and I haven't seen Mar since. Speaking of Lily, Mar said she wanted me to come back at noon if she wasn't up yet, so I'd bet – never mind" James cut off sharply, because he no longer needed to go to the Common Room. Lily and Marlene walked into the Great Hall right as he was about to get up. He smiled a little, in relief, but Lily didn't look up. She stared at her shoes, walking slowly behind Marlene.

When they were almost going to pass us, Mar looked up and mouthed 'she doesn't sew' sew? No, that's not it. Oh! Know! She doesn't know. She doesn't know what? Probably something that would make her unhappy… oh. James realized what Marlene meant, she didn't know that it was him who'd brought her up to her dorm. Alright, he wouldn't bring it up, if she even said anything to him. At that moment, James saw Lily stop short – right in front of them. At the same moment, he heard a young, but very loud, voice.

"Yeah I heard she was with Potter, did you hear…" The girl kept talking, but all James could think was crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap. Crap. This was very _not good. _This was _very bad. _Then, to make it worse, Lily apparently wanted to hear the end of this conversation. Crap. She sat down opposite him, but only glanced up once, and James couldn't even catch her eye. She looked back down, and leaned back a bit to hear better.

"You didn't? Its all anyone's been talking about since it happened. Evans passed out halfway off the grounds. You know who took her back to the tower?" Uh-oh. This was exactly the part Lily _wasn't _supposed to hear. She was going to murder him! He shouldn't have done anything. He should have left it to Mar, or gotten a teacher. In hindsight, she'd probably have liked it better if he'd just let Mar drag her.

"Umm… Professor Prewet? One of the other teachers?" I wish, James thought.

"No, dimwit. They would've taken her to the hospital wing! It was a student!" That was true… but still more likely than what had _actually _happened.

"Let's see… McKinnon couldn't have carried her… Are they in her year?" Which was the problem… but they were getting closer to that part where he meets his demise at the end of Lily's wand.

"Yup!" James cringed.

"One of the boys?" James considered just leaving the Great Hall.

"Well, duh!" He wished Lily had kept walking, gone and sat with the girls in her year, they probably would've at least been gentler about telling her. Maybe then she wouldn't have killed him.

"Uh… Black?" Yeah, right.

"Closer!" Oh-no.

"No! Really?! Seriously, Allie?" …and here it comes…

"Potter?!" He looked up slowly, not wanting to see the rage in Lily's eyes. But, her eyes only met his for a fraction of a second before she was gone. She always was walking away, leaving before she could get his side of the story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Word count before A/N is 2,220**

**If you recognize it, I don't own it.**

Chapter 3: Bittersweet

Lily wasn't proud of how she spent her last day at Hogwarts. But, she totally didn't spend it in the back corner of the library, in the back of the Restricted Section – the librarian loved her, and let her go with no note – on a bench in behind some shelves where you couldn't see her if you didn't know she was there. But, if she had, no one needed to know. Okay, so maybe she had. And, maybe she was hiding from her friends – well, friend, she realized glumly – and her not-friend, who would probably also be looking for her. It was, she knew, pretty pathetic when you would only have four people looking for you if you were missing. And two of them probably wouldn't be if it wasn't for her not-friend Potter.

She didn't leave the library until five minutes before curfew, and barely made it to the common room on time. She really didn't want to face Marlene, so she decided to just crash downstairs. She pulled off her shoes and robes, setting them on the ground in front of her favorite armchair by the fire. She curled up in a little ball, and put her head in her arms. It doesn't sound very comfortable, but for Lily, it was. She didn't mean to start thinking about everything, but it was a habit. Every night, she would lay in bed, and sort out her head. Get her thoughts in order.

She should've forced herself to think of other things, but she didn't. She didn't think she'd start sobbing, but hey. Every girl needs a good cry every once in a while. She didn't realize however, how loud it was. Which it was, very loud. When she realized, she grabbed her wand, and muttered the spell Severus had taught her. "Muffliato." When she remembered the origins of the spell – her ex-friend had made it up, only a few months ago – she only cried harder.

She cried for the unfairness of life. She remembered an old wish, that Sev had been Gryffindor like her. None of this would have happened if it weren't for those terrible Slytherins. They had taken her best friend, and turned him into something she no longer recognized.

She cried for what she had lost. She'd lost her oldest friend. She had gotten out of a poisoned friendship, but that wasn't what she cried for. She cried for the boy that had told her she was a witch. The boy who had sat at the ice –cream parlor with her, and never told her when she got it on her nose. The boy who had listened to her rant about her sister, and taught her how to balance in the highest branches of a tree. The one who had explored Hogwarts with her, and made snow angels on the grounds. But, most of all, she cried for what that boy could've been. The future they could've had together.

Her small frame shook with sobs, heard by no one. She cried until she ran out of energy, and fell asleep, her tears still wet on her face. She never consciously noticed the person who _had _heard, who was there. She wouldn't remember the soft voice, saying her name, and assuring her it would be okay. She wouldn't remember the hand rubbing her back, and pushing her hair out of her face. She would continue to be blissfully ignorant of how much that someone really cared.

She woke to Marlene shaking her shoulder, and looked up, her eyes bloodshot, porcelain skin flushed and blotchy. She was glad that Mar didn't try to make her talk about it, and just led her back up to the dorm, both oblivious of the boy sleeping in the other chair.

Lily didn't want to think, or move, or talk, or be whispered about and looked at, but there was nothing she could do. So, she absently folded clothes, placing them in her truck atop her books, potions things, and everything else she'd already packed. She wasn't thinking, but luckily Marlene was. She didn't even notice when her friend snagged a pair of jean shorts and striped blouse out of the pile that she was packing. She also didn't notice when a pair of light yellow sneakers were removed. She finished packing, and snapped her trunk closed.

She picked up her messenger bag, already filled with a few books, her notebook, and a quill for the train ride. "Oh!" She said, realizing her mistake. "I've forgotten muggle clothes," she sat down hard on her bed, not quite sure why the little mistake was bothering her so much. Her muggle clothes were under all her robes and uniform clothes, sure, but it wouldn't take to long to get one pair of clothes. Lily was almost sure she was going insane, because she felt like she would cry. She was Lily Evans for Merlin's sake! She was strong. Little things like this didn't bother her. Usually, at least.

"Lily, hey. I grabbed some of your clothes while you were packing. You looked like you'd forget…" Marlene said, and Lily felt a rush of affection for her friend. It calmed her down to know that, no matter what she did, Marlene would always be there, knowing exactly what she needed. There would always be someone standing right there beside her.

"Thanks, Mar. Really. You have no idea how much that means to me," Lily said, pulling her friend into a hug.

"Here," Marlene grabbed Lily's bag, and carefully put the clothes in, and handed Lily the shoes, which she pulled on. Lily stood up, brushed off her clothes – trying in vain to get the wrinkles out –and pulled on her robes.

"Emerald! Oh, I almost forgot about Emerald! Come here baby," Lily cooed, scooping the little cat into her arms. Technically, you were supposed to leave pets with your luggage, in their cages, for the house elves to take to the train, but Professor Dumbledore tended to turn a blind eye to Lily's little dark grey cat, with its green collar and matching leash. Marlene had never seen someone put a leash on cat, but Lily Evans was full of surprises. "Will you hand me her leash?" Lily asked. " Its on my nightstand."

Marlene picked up the leash, and handed it to Lily, who clipped it onto Emerald's collar. She wrapped the slack around her hand, not wanting to set her down. So, that's how they walked down to Hogsmeade: Lily holding her cat, walking shoulder to shoulder with Marlene, who was keeping a vigilant eye out for any and all 5th year Slytherins. She refused to let any of them within a fifty-foot radius of Lily, who was currently smiling, cooing amusedly at Emerald. The cat was playfully swatting at Lily, trying to catch a coil of auburn hair, glittering in the sun like a pillar of flame. It was a scene Marlene had seen a thousand times, but this time, it was a smile that could be wiped away by even the sight of the wrong people. So, she'd decided, Lily wouldn't even hear a mention of them today.

When Lily ran out of the Hall, James didn't know what to think. Did she hate him more than ever? Probably. Was he supposed to follow, or leave her alone? He suspected the latter, but followed anyway.

He raced out of the Great Hall, hot on Lily's tail. This, of course, did not help the whispers. He came out just in time to see a flash of red around a corner. He chased after her, but after rounding the corner himself, he found a deserted corridor. No hint of red hair, no echo of footsteps. There was no sign of her. To make it worse, there were three different ways she could have gone. Up the stairs, left, or right. And, Lily had a reason to go all of them. Up –Gryffindor Tower. Left –library. Right –her little hideout under the Astronomy Tower that she thought no one knew about. All of this went through James' head in a split second, and so, he made a split-second-decision.

James bolted up the stairs, hoping he was following Lily. Upon finding an empty Common Room, he'd gone and gotten Marlene. She'd checked the dorms, but Lily wasn't there. James cursed himself. He hadn't been fast enough, hadn't known her well enough to guess where she'd gone. But, he was James Potter. He wouldn't give up. He _would _find her. He didn't know what he'd say, or what she'd say, or if she even wanted to be found – she probably didn't, but oh well.

He didn't find her.

He had to have checked every _single_ room in the castle at least twice. Mar, Sirius, Remus, and Marcus had been looking, too. None of them had seen hide nor hair of Lily Evans since lunch. Since it was now nearing curfew, James wondered if she'd eaten dinner. He hoped she had. If she hadn't, that would the last time she ate – well, ate more than two bites of sandwich – was lunch the day before. If she didn't eat until the trolley tomorrow, that would be 44 hours with no food. That wasn't healthy.

James, upon hearing the bells telling him curfew was quickly approaching, sighed in defeat. He turned, and headed into the Common Room. What he didn't know, was that if he'd stayed only a few minutes longer, he'd have seen a small, redheaded fifth year girl slip in the portrait hole, and curl up in an armchair by the dying fire. But, he didn't wait, and went about getting ready for bed, and finishing his last-minute packing.

No one said much, which was a rarity in the dorm of the Marauders. But James was glad, needing the silence to sort through some of his jumbled thoughts. When they were all ready, and lying safely in their beds, Marcus whispered _"Nox"_ and the lights faded to an almost pitch black. James knew Sirius and Marcus fell asleep pretty quick, since he could hear their snores, but he wasn't sure about Remus, who did _not _snore.

It couldn't have been long, when James heard the crying. He didn't know who it was, but he had a hunch. Also, he knew he would've gone down anyway, even if he had no clue, because, he was a truly good person, even if _some _people – cough Evans cough – didn't believe it. He pulled back his blanket, and crept down the stairs, cautious not to wake anyone in the silence. Wait, he thought, silence? He continued down the steps, wondering how the sobs had just stopped, all of the sudden.

When he saw, his heart broke, just a little bit. To see his precious Lily-flower in pain – especially because it was partially his fault. If he hadn't been tormenting the git, there would have been no reason for Lily to step in, or for Snivellus to blow up. He wondered, somewhere in the back of his mind, how she was crying silently. If it was a charm, it was one James had never seen.

He walked over to her, and perched on the arm of the chair. "Shh, Lily. Shh. It'll be alright," he said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. She didn't respond. "Hey, it's okay, shh… Lily. Oh, Lily. Shh, you're alright…" he continued like that for a while, rubbing her back, and talking to her quietly, reassuring her. He wasn't sure if she even knew he was there, but he wasn't just going to go back to bed. Even after she stopped crying and fell asleep, he stayed. He settled into the chair next to hers, and whispered "Goodnight, my Lily-flower," and closed his eyes, finally allowing his exhaustion to take him away.

When he woke, Lily was gone, and the Common Room was empty. He glanced at his watch – 9:17. The train left in about 45 minutes. He walked upstairs, thanking Merlin that none of his fellow Marauders were up yet. But, he decided mischievously, that definitely needed to be changed. He turned the lights up all the way, and threw open the curtains, singing nonsense about rising, shining, and facing a beautiful day. It was all rubbish, in his opinion, but it was funny to see all their expressions.

He grabbed his unpacked-clothes, and retreated into the bathroom, before his friends had a chance to get up and murder him. It appeared, to most people, like a normal morning in the life of a Marauder, but to James, it was the first morning of operation _Show-Lily-I-Am-Not(-Always)-A(-Complete)-Child. _And he would. Show Lily that he wasn't (always) a (complete) child, that is.

James desperately needed to talk to Lily. They didn't usually talk, at all. Especially after an… episode, it was like Lily failed to notice he even existed anymore, and James just continued to be, well, James. But, now, they had issues. Tension. It made him uncomfortable. On the train, they _would _talk. Alone. And they would work out whatever this was. Maybe, they could even possibly start to be friends. He knew it was probably a foolish hope, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself this summer if he didn't at least try.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Lily was having a quite enjoyable train ride, considering the circumstances. That was totally _not _because of a completely nonexistent note on the compartment door that read:

Dear Snape,

If you are reading this, then you are outside my compartment. You should not be outside my compartment. If you have come to apologize, you can take your apology and shove it – well, you get the picture.

-Love your ex-friend,

Lily

Or a different nonexistent note, that was _not _under the other nonexistent note, that read:

Dear Git,

If you are reading this, you are an overly optimistic, stupid asshole. You should not be caught anywhere near this compartment, or I'll hex you into next year. And, if you even think about talking to Lily, we will have some problems.

-Hate from,

M. McKinnon

(Lily's best friend)

No, that would be ridiculous. And childish. Lily was enjoying her ride, because it was simple. She didn't have to think. She could just play with Emerald, and answer random questions from those _Witch Weekly _quizzes Marlene was so fond of. This was how the first 2 wonderful hours of her train ride passed. Then, Lily found out that that bad things come in threes.

1) The scene at the lake

2) All the crap with Potter yesterday

3) Potter interrupting her peaceful journey home

Surprisingly, though, he was alone. Potter _never_ traveled alone. The Marauders, they were always together, or sometimes in pairs. Never alone. This piqued her interest.

"Nice and subtle, you two are. 'Specially you, sis."

"You are aware, James, that we aren't actually related?" Marlene retaliated teasingly.

"Ah, yes. But you may as well be my sister, so I will keep addressing you as such," James still hadn't acknowledged Lily, which had never happened. "But, that's not why I'm here," he turned to Lily, and raised an eyebrow. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay…?" Lily said slowly. She was confused. James undoubtedly hated her, but here he was, being unusually tolerable and appearing to even have human emotions, and wanting to talk to her. It was unprecedented! "Are you just going to ask me out again, because I am so not in the mood right now," Lily looked up at him, and he wasn't turning to leave! He was still standing there, looking both slightly hurt and partially bemused.

"No, actually. We need to have an actual conversation," when Marlene and Lily looked at him expectantly, he continued. "Alone, preferably." He shot a look at Marlene, who raised her eyebrows, but stood up with her magazine.

"Alright, alright. I'm going. I'll be back, Lils!" She flounced out, shutting the door with a 'click', leaving Lily Evans and James Potter alone in a small room. This was _not _going to turn out well.

Lily didn't know what she was supposed to do. No amount of muggle etiquette classes would teach you how to behave when your mortal-enemy-that-loves-you-but-should-hate-you-but-helped-you-out-and-really-isn't-a-total-prat comes in and says they want to talk to you.

"So," she said, after a long, tense silence.

"Yeah," he answered smartly.

"Okay, you came in here, and said you needed to talk to me. So talk, or leave." She hadn't meant to be so snippy, but she was already in a less-that-perfect mood, and sitting in an empty train compartment with James Potter wasn't helping. "Sorry," she said. It was a habit, when she was unnecessarily rude, to apologize. "I didn't mean to be rude. But really, Potter. What do you need?"

"This probably sounds crazy, but hear me out, okay?" She nodded uncertainly, and he continued, "So, I know that when we first met, we didn't exactly… erm… well, we got off on the wrong foot,"

"You could say that," Lily mused, "I seem to remember that I liked you, until you started talking," she laughed, breaking the uneasy tension in the compartment.

James laughed with her, before continuing with his impromptu speech. "And then, I don't blame you for hating me. Or Sirius, Remus, or Marcus. We were right gits, and it wasn't fair. We went overboard, but – and I know this may be hard for you to hear – but, we weren't entirely unprovoked. We were definitely _more_ in the wrong, but… Anyway, I wanted to apologize to you for the pranks that weren't funny, the plain mean teasing, and the constantly asking you out. I see, now, that that is _not _the way to go. And, I just wanted to give you a proposition," he looked at her, and he looked truly sorry, and eager to tell her the rest.

"Thanks, for apologizing. And, by all means, continue." It wasn't a lot, but from Lily to James, it was 'a small step for one girl, a huge leap for world peace'.

"I want to start over. We can start from day one. And," he looked away, almost shyly – but that wasn't possible! It was James, for Merlins' sake! "Maybe, we could at least try to be –" he paused, took a breath, and tried again. "Maybe we could try to be – cough – friends." He looked back at her, and she just stared at him, in shock.

After a moment, once she regained ability to think, she thought it over. Why not start over next year? She could be a new Lily. So, why not? Making up her mind, she stuck out her hand.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Lily Evans."

He grinned, and took her hand, shaking it. "James Potter, pleasure to meet you."

Marlene appeared at the door, and James stood up. "I suppose that's my cue. Have a good summer, Lily."

"You too, James," Lily smiled, and he left, with Marlene looking between them incredulously, dumbfounded.

Chapter 4:

James' master _I-Will-Talk-To-Lily-On-The-Train _plan was a great one, he knew. But, he was realizing now, quite flawed. He had no idea where they were sitting, or what he would say. He had spent almost half the ride so far looking for them. Its like they're moving! He had looked in every car but the very last one, because he didn't think they'd be there – Marlene had told him, once, that she didn't care for the last car. He didn't know _why, _but it was true. But, of course, as soon as he stepped into the car, he knew which compartment was theirs immediately.

Maybe it was because he just _knew, _because he knows the two of them so well. _Possibly._

Maybe it was because he could hear laughter, and a cat. _Probable._

But, maybe it was the notes, addressed to _Snape _and _Git, _and signed _Lily _and _McKinnon. _ _Yeah. That's it._

Even though he felt more nervous than he'd ever been ever, he plastered on a relaxed smile, and strode into the compartment. "Nice and subtle, you two are. 'Specially you, sis," he couldn't look at Lily. He would loose his nerve and walk away. So, he would talk with Mar for a minute. Just try and diffuse the tension.

"You are aware, James, that we aren't actually related?" Marlene asked mockingly.

"Ah, yes. But you may as well be my sister, so I will keep addressing you as such," James still hadn't acknowledged Lily, which had never happened, but he would have to now. He took a deep breath, and turned, now facing Lily. "But, that's not why I'm here," He took a deep breath, and turned, now facing Lily. He raised an eyebrow. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay…?" Lily said slowly. James didn't really blame her. He'd never really given her a reason to think they'd have a nice, civilized conversation. "Are you just going to ask me out again, because I am so not in the mood right now." Well, once again, he couldn't blame her. A month ago – hell, a week ago! – that's probably exactly what would've happened. Then, he'd leave with some witty remark. But, that wasn't the way to go.

"No, actually. We need to have an actual conversation," when Marlene and Lily looked at him expectantly, he continued. "Alone, preferably." He shot a look at Marlene, who raised her eyebrows, but stood up with her magazine.

"Alright, alright. I'm going. I'll be back, Lils!" She flounced out, shutting the door with a 'click', leaving Lily Evans and James Potter alone in a small room. James hoped that his plan would work, and that they would end up being able to tolerate each other, and not at each others' throats all the time.

"So," she said, breaking James from his thoughts.

"Yeah," he said, still pathetically unaware of what he would say.

"Okay, you came in here, and said you needed to talk to me. So talk, or leave." Before James could fully process what she'd said, she continued. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. But really, Potter. What do you need?"

"This probably sounds crazy, but hear me out, okay?" He was making it up as he went along, hoping it wouldn't sound like meaningless phsyco-babble. "So, I know that when we first met, we didn't exactly… " There was no good way to finish that sentence. "erm…" Come on! Okay, calm down. Just start over. Try again. "Well, we got off on the wrong foot."

"You could say that," Lily mused, "I seem to remember that I liked you, until you started talking," she laughed, breaking the uneasy tension in the compartment. James was just surprised that she had ever liked him at all.

James laughed with her, before continuing with his impromptu speech. Now, he thought, taking a deep breath. Now comes the hard part. James swallowed his pride, and started talking, the words just spilling out on their own. "And then, I don't blame you for hating me. Or Sirius, Remus, or Marcus. We were right gits, and it wasn't fair. We went overboard, but – and I know this may be hard for you to hear – but, we weren't entirely unprovoked. We were definitely _more_ in the wrong, but… Anyway, I wanted to apologize to you for the pranks that weren't funny, the plain mean teasing, and the constantly asking you out. I see, now, that that is _not _the way to go. And, I just wanted to give you a proposition," he looked at her, and he was hoping desperately that she wouldn't shoot him down.

"Thanks, for apologizing. And, by all means, continue." It wasn't a lot, but from Lily to James, it was a monumental step forward.

"I want to start over. We can start from day one. And," he looked away, not really wanting to see her reaction. "Maybe, we could at least try to be –" he paused, took a breath, and tried again. "Maybe we could try to be" he coughed nervously, "friends." He looked at her, and she just stared at him.

James was starting to panic. He broke Lily. She was still just sitting there, staring at him. What did he do? To his relief, she shook her head a bit, and stuck out her hand.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Lily Evans."

He grinned, and took her hand, shaking it. "James Potter, pleasure to meet you." Yes! He thought. It worked!

Marlene appeared at the door, and James stood up. "I suppose that's my cue. Have a good summer, Lily."

"You too, James," she smiled, and went back to playing with her cat.

As he passed her, Marlene whispered, "We _will _talk about this later."

"Of course, dear sister."

He ruffled up his hair, and headed back to his own compartment.


End file.
